


Crisis

by femslashfatale (mikans_elbow)



Category: Shoujo Kakumei Utena | Revolutionary Girl Utena
Genre: Angst, F/F, Hurt/Comfort, Post-Canon, Reunion, anthy hates herself, for the empty movement discord monthly writing prompt, oh my god they were roommates, some gay ass fighting and pining, theres an illustration at the end, utena is a pink brick, vague violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-28
Updated: 2019-02-28
Packaged: 2019-11-06 22:50:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,656
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17948654
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mikans_elbow/pseuds/femslashfatale
Summary: The story of them has been told so many times that it starts to feel tired. Even they're tired of it.Anthy and Utena fight, then kiss and make up.Prompt: The most realistic reunion for Utena & Anthy.





	Crisis

They meet again like this:

She skins her knee on the pavement and a hand reaches out to her, so she looks up to grab it and sees a striking head of pink hair and a smile that she’ll never forget. Utena’s not expecting it when Anthy takes that hand only to pull her into a hug, when, from her point of view, she was just trying to help a stranger on the street. But something about that touch seems so familiar, and it intrigues her, and Utena’s always had a soft spot for romantic chance encounters, so she follows Anthy when she gets an invitation for tea. Maybe it’s destiny, she thinks.

But is that really enough? 

 

They meet again like this:

Anthy dedicates her life to an endless search for the girl who let her in on the secret that life could have meaning beyond what she used to endure. She is methodical and adapts to society well, because that is her most practiced skill, to fit in like an unnoteworthy painting on the wall. It doesn’t matter how she feels deep down. The days where that tiredness get to her so badly that she can’t muster the will to do anything but stare through the window from her bed are irrelevant, because she has a favor that has yet to be repaid. 

She throws herself into looking, looking, looking, because she refuses to accept failure in this instance. Then one day, she looks down at her palms and sees wrinkles that did not used to be there. Her joints creak. Her back aches. A long stretch of time has collapsed into dust in her hourglass, and she can’t take back the sands that fall through her fingers when she clenches her fists. It is irrelevant. She is irrelevant. The only thing that matters is making sure Utena is safe, because Anthy of all people knows how torturous it is to be stuck in a coffin of your own making. 

It was always going to end this way, she decides. It may not have been the best use of her time, but she’d always had so much of it and wasn’t used to the idea of running out. Nothing was eternal. But the equally aged smile of the girl sitting next to her was worth it. The important part was that she had chosen this, hadn’t she? Utena had grown in so many beautiful ways since their last meeting, and all Anthy wanted to do was pick her apart and find that the core of this girl had stayed strong the whole time. 

But is that really a romance?

 

They meet again like this:

Utena wakes up in a hospital covered in unidentifiable scars and no memory of who she is or where she’s been. A purple-haired nurse looks after her but refuses to stay too long to chat, almost as if she is afraid of Utena, but Utena can’t think of any reason why a traumatized, injured hospital patient would frighten a nurse who’s surely seen it all by now. They bump into each other in the hallway as Utena picks up a bag of chips from the vending machine, and Ms. Himemiya, the nurse, falls over while trying to get away. The woman sits on her ass in the middle of the hallway and begins to chuckle, which bewilders Utena so she asks if the nurse is alright. 

“I’ve been quite foolish,” Ms. Himemiya says in response. “It’s a trait that’s rubbed off on me from a friend in my earlier days.” She stands up and pats herself off, then smiles and walks away without continuing the conversation. Utena’s never been more interested in a woman during the very short timespan of her life that she can remember. 

After a few weeks pass without seeing the nurse, Utena asks about her whereabouts and a different nurse tells her that Ms. Himemiya resigned. _What a shame_ , she thinks. _It seems like I’ll never be able to move on from this hospital, but I’m glad Himemiya did. She seemed like the type fit for bigger and greater things._

But is that really a reunion?

 

They meet again like this:

Utena is nine years old and it’s nine years too many. The world is too big, too scary, too intimidating. Tragedy has befallen her family, and she'll never get to hear her mom read picture books about heroes saving girls from dragons ever again. "Ever" is too long for Utena to conceptualize. Her dad will never hug and console her crying because someone at school said something mean ever again. Everything, the world, her life— it's all just too much. 

Utena is nine years old and she meets an angel. Not of Death, he says, but she's sure he's not human. The second time she sees something far worse than someone her age should have to handle, it hurts a little bit less. But not by a lot. The vision of eternity is a painful sort of awakening, not one that either of them should have to experience, but she'll take what she can get if it's a reason to leave the coffin. 

Utena is fourteen years old and knows nothing about the Rose Bride, but she tries to help nonetheless. It costs her everything.

Utena is fifteen years old and 

Utena is sixteen years old and

Utena is seventeen years old and

Utena is eighteen years old and

Utena is nineteen years old and

Utena is twenty years old and she blinks awake to see Anthy sitting across from her. Both of their shadows play on the wall, dancing in directions that their bodies aren't moving in physical reality. A waltz and a swing dance and something Utena can't identify. She finds a teacup in her hand, scalding if she holds it a few seconds too long. Fresh. 

Anthy is who knows how old and she is tired but content. 

"I don't care how it ends," she says without moving her lips. "As long as I'm with you."

But is that really the Anthy you know?

 

They meet again like this:

Dead is dead is dead. When Utena is pushed out of Ohtori, a different set of rules binds itself to her body, and it is more forgiving in some aspects but not in this. A single sword is enough to fell a normal human on normal Earth in normal Japan. The Swords of Hate destroy her for good.

Anthy walks out with a hop in her step and walks back in with a quiet that makes a sound as she glides back in, taking her rightful place. It's not so easy to leave, now is it? This is what she was made for, and she won't fit right into any other slot. Leaving was like forcing a square block through a circular hole, and maybe she could have done it with enough force, but she didn't. So. Anthy would rather stay where she's comfortable than get stuck in-between. 

She walks back into his office but he's gone, too. A balding old man in an unfitted suit sits at his desk, sweating behind his glasses. He asks her if she's there for an interview as the secretary position just opened up. Kanae bursts through the door with a grin, and walks past Anthy to sit on her father's desk and remember how to be a teenager again. A laugh almost escapes Anthy at the normalcy of the sight before her, so foreign, especially in this horrible tower.

It seems she couldn't find her way back to Ohtori, either. Can't find the girl she owes everything to, and she can't find the man she owes everything to. Lost and alone.

Heartless like a doll, she reminds herself. The wind up on the rooftop is chilling, but everything that could've melted her down is gone.

But is that really fair?

 

They meet again like this:

Anthy cries over Utena in a hospital bed and the splish splash of her sadness over Utena's face wakes her up like in a fairytale. They magically reconcile after the events of Ohtori Academy and live nights without bad dreams and days full of good ones. Two girls live happily ever after, because they deserve it and that's reason enough for this story.

But is that—

No, stop right there. It's good enough. Do you hear me? They deserved it, and that was enough.

But that's not—

Haven't we had enough hardship? Enough obstacles and development and pain? Let them have this.

But that's not really true, is it? 

Does it have to be? Has any of it been true? Why start now?

 

They meet again like this:

A young girl meets another young girl in the park and they don't hit it off, but they interest each other enough to keep coming. The pink one is annoying and obtuse, while the purple one is passive-aggressive and precocious. Purple pushes Pink off of the swings and claims that Pink fell off on her own because the wind is quite strong today. Pink isn't supposed to believe her, though, she's supposed to feel even more affronted that Purple would so brazenly lie to her face. Pink nods like Purple's reasoning makes sense, and then gets back on the swings. That's something that never changes about Pink as they grow up, Purple realizes. She'll punch the ground and stand back up because she never has a reason to stay down. 

Purple helps Pink through her sexuality crisis in high school, and even gets Yellow in on it, because Pink's niceness is contagious. Write your own story, Purple whispers to Pink. Neither of us has to be the princess. Yellow pipes up with a what about me? and Pink snorts and says Yellow couldn't stop being a princess if she tried, so Yellow punches her in the gut. Purple says Yellow could never fit into any predetermined role, and it feels like a compliment.

Three can be even more difficult than two, but they manage to make it work.

But that's not how the story went. You're missing pieces!

 

They meet again like this:

Anthy stands over the bloodied corpse of Lucifer and stabs the ground with her sword so it sticks up on its own. Utena cowers behind the white couch now stained with red, the same red that billows around Utena in frills and layers of velvet. 

"D-did you win?" she whispers, almost afraid that being too loud will reanimate Him. Anthy stares down at the mangled limbs and gaping cuts that peek out from under His dueling uniform. He's never looked prettier. It doesn't feel as vindicating as she'd have liked, though, having His blood on her hands. Revenge isn't enough for her?

"I won," Anthy lies. Utena raises herself from behind the couch and clutches herself to try and stop shaking. She almost stumbles over her too-long dress as she approaches, now lacking the sense of danger that she should still have. 

The sword stands between them like a wall. "Is it over, then?" Utena asks. A simple question that does not reflect the complexities of the situation at hand, Anthy notes. Isn't that just the way. 

"I am the prince now. And you, the princess. As I promised, that ring eventually did lead you back here to me. You really have done well not to lose that noble heart I saw. Thank you for having the courage to seek me out." Anthy bows to her princess, then straightens her back and takes Utena's face in her palms. Utena is stricken with a shocked look, and if it weren't tonally inappropriate Anthy would laugh. 

"I— You—" she stammers out, blushing almost as pink as her hair.

"Say your line, please," Anthy says calmly.

"What?"

Anthy sighs.

"I wasn't wrong about you... Beautiful." 

The blush begins to look wrong on Utena's face, liked a warped imitation. Like someone replaced her with a wax doll while they weren't looking. 

"As your noble heart has led you thus far, you've proven yourself to truly be my princess." There's very little passion in the words that pass between them. A distance away, you could almost hear a giggle. Roses are awash beneath their feet, making pathways through the constellations reflected in the pool of water. It marks the way as Anthy leads Utena through a dance, but neither of them has their hair come undone. Utena is vaguely aware that she doesn't know, shouldn't know how to dance so elegant like this, but her feet feel like beings of their own. Left, right, left, left, right. Anthy clutches her fingers tight, pulling the strings in Utena's body into the right positions to be as majestic and princess-like as possible. It feels good to be lead, because Utena knows she is safe in the arms of Anthy, and it is so relieving not to have to fight for herself. She puts her face into the crook of Anthy's neck and lets herself go.

"Yes. From this day forward, I shall protect you. We'll be happy. Eternity will be ours, and we shall love each other forevermore." 

Anthy looks sadly into Utena's eyes. Her words are not sad at all. Utena doesn't understand why Anthy isn't as overjoyed as she is, knowing that their future is secure.

"And together, as prince and princess, we'll live in the castle forever and ever."

But that's not who they are at all. This story is all wrong. You've missed the whole point! 

It's a happy ending, isn't it? That's what you wanted.

That's the happy ending to a completely different story. Don't patronize me.

Fine.

 

They meet like this:

The details don't matter. Whether the setting is fantastical or grounded does not matter. Wishful thinking and optimism won't change the status quo all on its own, Utena learns. Pessimism and distrust won't lead to a better future, Anthy learns. The clashing between them will never stop, but they choose to be together. 

"You may have forgiven me, Utena, but I haven't forgiven myself." Saying things directly is like pulling teeth for Anthy, baring her heart in the way that brings her back to being the little girl in the red dress. "I will never forget my history."

Utena leans back against the wall of their apartment, looking to the corner and frowning. She's always been a dense brick and it takes a jackhammer to get things through her skull sometimes. "I'm not saying that you gotta forget, it's just... The way you're remembering things isn't right! It's not good for you."

Anthy is sitting, facing parallel directions with Utena. They're not looking at each properly, and Anthy already knows this won't end well. 

"I'm sure you know all about what's good and proper, then?" Anthy doesn't bother plastering on a smile for her remark, because Utena's at least advanced far enough to tell when she's being mean. But Utena still doesn't understand how mean Anthy really is. Somehow. Despite being literally stabbed in the back and forsaken, Utena still sees the illusion of goodness in Anthy. It occurs to her a lot that she should get the rejection to happen sooner rather later by being as awful as she has it in her to be. It's occurring to her now.

"Sorry," Utena spits out. It's a little spiteful by Utena's standards, who's had a lot of practice in saying heartfelt apologies, but it's still Utena so there's a degree of genuineness in it. "I don't mean to be so... I don't know. I just worry about you, and I can't help you all on my own." 

"I have never asked for your help." It's true, but it stings Anthy's own mouth as she says it, enunciating each word. She used to be a snake but now she's a bee, and it hurts to hurt Utena.

Utena slumps into herself like she's been hit in a way that she never was with a sword and says nothing. Anthy glances toward her, expecting some comeback or rebuttal, but Utena is still facing away with her mouth shut tight. She looks like a puppet with her strings cut, and the image fills with Anthy with a visceral sickness. Anthy doesn't have the right to feel guilty, though, because she knew exactly what her words were going to achieve. At least Utena has the excuse of ignorance. Just like always.

"I know you never 'mean' to be anything in particular, but it would help you in the future if you ever owned up to your actions. Intent doesn't matter," Anthy says, digging herself deeper into this hole. Her voice is as disaffected as ever, as if she were scolding a child, but she's angry now. Only Utena gets her this confused about her own feelings and intentions, and it is infuriating. Anthy never asked for this. Anthy never wanted this. She's screaming at Utena in her head, _Why did you put in any work at all to help me?! Why did it take you until now to realize that I'm not worth it?_

A hand slams onto the table where she's sitting. Utena still isn't looking at her, but her face is visible enough from this angle to see the tight anger in her eyebrows and the... tears in her eyes. It shouldn't be so surprising.

"If I hadn't helped you, both of us would still be back at Ohtori Academy. Is that still what you want? Do you want to fucking go back there?" Utena says through gritted teeth. _Go back to him?!_ is what is left out of her words. Her eyes blink rapidly to prevent the spill of tears and it's an uncomfortably vulnerable sight. 

Anthy stands and her chair scoots back with an unpleasant screeching noise that reflects the mood of the room. Her hands ball into fists against the table next to Utena's flat palm. She readies her sword and looks Utena straight in the eye.

"Right now? It doesn't feel like I've left." 

Utena's face is wet but it doesn't feel real to Anthy anymore. That's what it felt like at Ohtori, when she was timeless and displaced from reality. Her statement hurt more because she really did mean it, and she dies as she sends out her stinger. The person in front of her is a chess piece, and the heart beating in Anthy's ribs is hollow, existing in name only. It doesn't do shit for her. 

This isn't even close to a happy ending.

The sense of distance is both familiar and unfamiliar, because this was how Anthy walked through the world for so long but it's been even longer since she left for a different world. Even that little bit of unfamiliarity strikes her into the core recesses of her soul, and makes her question why she's even here. Is it worth it to be happy if it weakens your defenses against despair? Like she told Utena, she knows her own history. Has it taken her until now to realize that this is just another fuck-up in her long line of mistakes? 

Utena interrupts Anthy's internal monologue by grabbing her by the collar and shoving their faces near each other.

"That's not true," Utena yells. Spit lands on Anthy's cheek, and she flinches but remains resolute in her gaze. It's like they're fourteen again. The words ring familiar and Anthy feels disgusted.

The look on Utena's face when Anthy slaps her hands off is like a hit of a drug she's been sober from for years. 

It surges even stronger when she smacks Utena across the cheek and leaves a red sting. Her palm is throbbing from the force of it and now hangs limply at her side. Now isn't that a pretty sight. No wonder everyone at Ohtori got off on slapping her around at the slightest inconvenience.

"You haven't changed at all since you left. Responsibility will always slide off your shoulders just because you don't 'mean' to mess up. Have you never heard that the road to hell is paved with good intentions?" A snarl finds its way onto Anthy's face, more than she's ever let herself show, even in front of Akio. If that isn't a sign that none of this is working out, then she doesn't know what is.

"Anthy, please," comes Utena's response. Her patience is running thin, Anthy can feel it. She's going to leave, like Anthy's been sure she would a million times before, only this time it's real. Is that her own breath that she hears, heavy and ragged? No, she's never sounded like that before. Her chest hurts like it's being stabbed over and over and over again.

"Aren't you sick of this? Aren't you exhausted with having to deal with all of this time and time again? It's never going to end. This is it." Anthy knows she's talking around what she really means but her edges are fraying and frankly, she does not care right now about Utena's concerns about "healthy communication." 

There's a tense silence. It really is like she's back at Ohtori, except this time Utena is in on the truth of how hellish the world can be. 

Utena sighs and it sends wind directly to fan the flame in Anthy. 

"I don't wanna fight, Anthy. Haven't we both had enough of that kind of bullshit?" Utena has her hands raised at Anthy in a peace gesture, despite wincing under the lasting pain of the slap. "Eternity doesn't exist and this isn't Ohtori. I'm sorry that I'm still obtuse and step on people's toes like I'm wearing clown shoes everywhere, but I swear that I'm trying. And I know you've been trying, too." 

"Why do you always have to be so..." Anthy sucks in a breath and closes her eyes. _You're so good and you're nothing like me.You're so good that you can't even see how far gone I am._

"Please trust me."

"I'm..."

"I can't promise you that we'll beat this but I promise you that I will keep trying."

"We might never understand each other."

"Yeah, but that's not for certain! When we first met, did you ever think you were going to leave Ohtori?" 

Anthy lets herself sit down in her chair again, though it's now a foot away from the edge of the table. She stares blankly ahead at nothing, which is worrisome, but maybe it's better than the outright anger of a few moments ago? Maybe. Utena takes a few tentative steps closer, and shoves her hands into her pockets once she's standing by her best friend. 

Opening her mouth and closing it a few times like she's having difficulty with her words, Anthy leans forward and puts her face in her hands. Utena can still see Anthy shake her head "no" in response to her question. It's not often that Utena gets one over on Anthy, but she doesn't feel smug. Well, maybe a teensy bit, but she shoves that away right now. They're trying to be better people!

"Yeah, I thought so. I'm here to remind you that the bad shit isn't eternal, because nothing is. And I'm staying, okay?" Utena's voice goes softer as she speaks, and she lays a gentle hand on the nape of Anthy's neck. 

Everything Utena says sounds like a lie when it seeps into Anthy's cynical mind, but she also knows how abysmal Utena is at hiding her intentions. It doesn't make sense how someone could really believe all of that, especially knowing what Utena herself has gone through to reach this point. So many bitter thoughts are racing through Anthy's mind right now, but they're getting stifled by the love and connection represented by that hand on Anthy's back. 

Her heart is beating faster and it's the kind of sparks running down her spine that she felt a long, long time ago. It feels like a dream. 

"I love you," Anthy whispers hoarsely into her hands. _And it scares me._

"I'm sorry, I didn't catch that," Utena says, leaning down toward Anthy's face. 

"You're a fool," Anthy says louder, raising her head. If her hands are slightly wet, then no one would be able to say. Utena can only grin at the comment, because she's worn the word "fool" as label of pride ever since they graduated. 

"Are we cool?" Utena asks in the most endearingly awkward way possible, like she's actually afraid the answer could be "no." Anthy smiles, and it springs up from a place in her heart she's been afraid to touch. 

"Yes, we are. I'm sorry for... being so stubborn." The words are foreign on her lips, and she's not sure she's apologizing for the right thing, but Utena keeps smiling. 

"Hey, I'd be kind of a hypocrite if I marked you down for stubbornness, wouldn't I? I've seen the worst of us and we've made it through, so don't ever think that I don't... care for you," and it's obvious how carefully Utena has to pick her words. 

"I also care for you, Utena." She purposefully uses Utena's indirect wording to express the sentiment back at her, hoping it might make a breakthrough for Utena, but hopes are slim. 

"It's getting late, huh? That tired me out, so I'm gonna go conk out in my room. Make sure you get some sleep!" Utena rolls her neck, then winks at Anthy as she turns to leave. 

"I suppose I'll go to bed now, as well." 

"Damn, this is early for you. We really fought out all our energy."

Anthy nods, not having the energy to do much else, and she stands up to push the chair back against the table in its proper position. Utena's right. She feels exhausted, like she ran a marathon, and now her mind is sluggish. Her heart is still beating too quick, and Anthy can readily identify the feeling behind it. She doesn't trust herself with that feeling. _Yet another bad track record_ , she sarcastically comments in her head. 

Utena gives Anthy one more concerned look before reeling it in and giving her an awkward pat on the shoulder.

"See ya in the morning." Then she turns and walks down the hallway to their separated bedrooms. 

It was a mutual decision, when they first moved in. Utena had read online that it was good to establish personal spaces when you're rooming with someone, no matter how close you may be with your friend. 

They're best friends, Utena is often happy to remind her. Best friends who hug almost every day. Best friends who would die for each other. Best friends who remind each other that they wouldn't want the other to die. 

Anthy smirks as she stares down the hallway where Utena left. It's been a while since she played a good prank (for a given definition of prank). 

After a saunter down to Utena's room, Anthy gives a few knocks through the door and asks if she can come in. Utena's already changed into her usual nightly clothing, tank top and neon red shorts. The shorts might be iconic, but Anthy convinced her that it's better to wear something so flashy and revealing in private rather than out on the streets. 

"What's up? Something wrong? Need to get another slap in?" Utena sits up and teases, but immediately sees the tensed up look in Anthy's eyes and slaps a hand across her mouth. 

"Shit, sorry, that was way too soon. Fuck. Sorry." 

Anthy reconsiders her plan for a few seconds, but she's already here, so she might as well. She sits down opposite to Utena and brushes her fingers gingerly across the bedsheets toward the hill that Utena's thigh makes under the covers. 

"You are forgiven for that. I'm here because there was one last thing that I wanted to say before settling in for the night. Would you care to listen?" Anthy speaks with a soft velvety tongue, and Utena unconsciously gets closer to hear the words better. 

"Of course." Utena has no idea what's about to happen. Anthy sits her back against the headboard next to Utena and puts her weight onto Utena's shoulder. The sort of contact that can be reasonably excused as platonic, the zone where Utena is usually comfortable. It's time to push those boundaries as far as Utena will let her, which Anthy recognizes as a potentially questionable thought, but the sex ed classes at Ohtori were negligent so she has a little bit of an excuse. It sounds funny even in her head.

"I'm tired, too," Utena says as she tilts her head to fit on top of Anthy's. "Nanami was being bitchy as usual at work. Customer service is already hard when just the customers bitch at you, but I gotta get it from my coworkers, too!"

"Utena, I'm going to try a few things. Could you tell me to stop when you feel uncomfortable?" Anthy sits up again and faces Utena with a serious look. 

"Whoa, okay, that came out of nowhere. That's cool, I guess? I mean, I trust you, so go for it." She looks to the side and fidgets a little, but doesn't read as being super against whatever Anthy has in mind. 

Anthy begins by cupping Utena's face with one hand. It's a little intimate for platonic interaction, but nothing that they've never done before. They're best friends, after all. In this lighting, Anthy can't tell if Utena's face is flushed, but there's warmth coming from her cheek. Normal human skin temperature or something more? Anthy tends to run cold so she finds it difficult to judge. 

Step two is... Anthy slides her hand down Utena's jaw and rests it on her collarbone, thumb rubbing smoothly across her neck. It still has a comforting connotation to it, so Utena could probably write it off as being friendly. Conspiratorially, Anthy thumbs across Utena's heartbeat and checks the tempo. 

Oh. It's faster than Anthy's, pumping blood a mile a minute. A small flower of delight blooms in Anthy's mischievous smile as she moves her thumb away from the pulse. 

She looks up and sees Utena staring at her, quiet but mouth open in a small 'o' shape. It's cute. Just half an hour earlier she might've found it annoying, another sign of Utena's obliviousness, but Anthy's swinging to the opposite end of the mood spectrum and becoming affectionate. 

The third step is more forward. Anthy plants an innocent, chaste kiss on Utena's neck where she was just touching. She hears a soft exhale right by her ear and smiles as she straightens back out to see Utena's expression. 

"You're still okay?" Anthy asks. Utena is definitely blushing now, but she nods aggressively. Her mouth is a tight line of tension. 

A stray thought hits Anthy and suddenly this doesn't seem as fun. Forcing affections on someone is a reminder of someone that brings a grimace to her face. 

"Maybe I should go now," she whispers, already turning her head to get off the bed, but Utena's hand rushes out to grasp her arm. 

"It'sokaywe'recool!" Her voice is squeaky and barely audible even though it's dead quiet. 

Anthy decides this is nothing like what he would do. Leave the overthinking to Utena right now. 

It is a bit like a cat playing with a mouse, but in the kindest way possible. Anthy places her hands on the sides of Utena's ribcage, then slides them inch by inch down to her waist and hips. Utena was already a fit basketball player as a middle schooler, and she's only become more of a jock with age. Not quite at a six-pack, but definitely getting there. Anthy can also feel lots of tiny cuts as a constant reminder of the past. Utena is the one with a physical reminder and yet she so easily lets go of what made those scars. Anthy puts that petty feeling away to ruminate on later, and probably explode in a fit of anger or jealousy a few weeks from now. Today was one of her worst. 

"Good?"

"Yeah."

She continues by moving her hands back to Utena's face, only with more motion and exploration. They never stop in one place, and through it all, a small reflection of light looks back at her from Utena's eyes. 

Her thumb brushes Utena's lip. 

Her heart catches in her throat. 

She was previously wondering if Utena would be ready for something of this caliber, but Anthy feels unsteady even though she's sitting and wonders if _she's_ ready for it. 

"Good?"

She feels Utena's answer through the pad of her finger. 

"Mhm."

Their faces are much closer now, and she can feel Utena's breath, which means that Utena can feel Anthy's breath. The night shrouds them in a dark blue, so only the nearest objects are visible, and the way vision fades out makes it seem as though only they exist. Utena's big blue eyes and fluttering lashes are very visible. 

Their noses are touching now. Utena hasn't rejected her yet. Yet. Anthy closes her eyes and tilts her face for a better angle, then—

She stops herself a millimeter away from meeting Utena's lips with her own, and whispers: 

"I love you, Utena." 

This time, the sound rings out like gunfire, and when Anthy gracefully pushes herself to standing, she knows that Utena heard it. A choked sound is all she gets in response and it's wonderful to her. She gives a half-earnest curtsy of her nightgown, then leaves. Her last look at Utena rewards her with her best friend looking like a fish as she opens and closes her mouth with wide eyes.

"See you in the morning, my dear," she calls through the door as she shuts it behind her. 

There. Now Utena can see how she likes being put through a crisis.


End file.
